The skills of a good helper
What does it mean to be a good helper? Be aware of the tools you as a helper already have.
consider the following questions:
When working with survivors:
Elements that help a survivor talk about traumatic events:
- What are the qualities of a good helper in your context?
- How can you support without the survivor having to tell his story
- Do men and women help in different ways?
- What can you say about yourself as a helper?
- What do you do when you meet a survivor who is overwhelmed by emotions – by sadness, shame, guilt, anger, anxiety or numbness?
- Is it sometimes difficult to help a survivor? What makes it difficult to help?
- Listening, respecting and acknowledging painful reactions
- Communicate that you «see» him
- Let the survivor own his “own” story
- Create safe place
- Stabilizing by being here and now oriented
- Grounding exercises
- Relaxation and energising exercises
- Psycho-educational approaches
- Emphasise that he is free to talk or not, and he can stop whenever he wants.
- Especially if he is easily overwhelmed when he talks, or struggles to find words, he may find it easier to write his story, or draw it.
- Help him to use the past tense (“he hit me”) rather than the present tense (“he hits me”), to emphasise that what happened is past. When you summarise at the end, do so in the past tense. “You told me that two years ago you experienced …”
- Help him to organise his memories and structure his story. Trauma memories are often chaotic and incomplete. It can help to create a timeline and establish factual anchor points. “Where did this happen?” “When did this happen?” “How long did this last?”
- Do not ask him to describe thoughts or feelings or sensory experiences from the trauma event in detail. Details can be very triggering. They may be important in trauma treatment but are not necessary to tell.
- Respond when the survivor blames himself or expresses shame. Say that his reactions are normal, that he did what he could to survive, that you do not think he has reason to feel guilt. Emphasise at the end of the conversation that you do not think badly of him because of what he has said.
- Be empathetic. Do not hesitate to say that his experiences sound painful and difficult but try to avoid reacting strongly emotionally yourself. Make clear at the end of the conversation that you can cope with what he has said, though it hurts to hear it.
Taking care of yourself: recognizing compassion fatigue
what is it and why is it important to recognize?
warning signs
Coping strategies
Talking to survivors of trauma also affects the helper. For all helpers, empathy is an essential aspect of good help. This is also a source for compassion fatigue, vicarious traumatisation or secondary traumatic stress (STS). How are helpers to manage their own stress? Early recognition and awareness are crucial to be resilient to these symptoms. Awareness of this is important for workers in areas of conflict and disaster, and in extreme environments such as these, people may be more vulnerable to secondary traumatisation.
We also know that professionals under this kind of stress may be at risk to perform less efficiently and not perform as they would normally do. Even large organizations that have the resources and knowledge about this particular kind of stress may have reduced capacity to deal with or take care of the affected personnel. As for local helpers, there may often not be any support or resources at all to deal with this. On HHRI´s thematic page for helping the helpers we have gathered links that can be useful for all persons engaged in this kind of important but heavy work.
Below are warning signs of compassion fatigue that can occur after a prolonged period of time on a job:
- Wounded ideals and cynicism
- Feeling unappreciated or betrayed by the organization
- Loss of spirit
- Grandiose beliefs about own importance
- Heroic but reckless behaviours
- Neglecting one’s own safety and physical needs (not needing breaks, sleep, etc.)
- Mistrusting colleagues and supervisors
- Antisocial behaviour
- Excessive tiredness
- Inability to concentrate and Inefficiency
- Symptoms of illness or disease
- Sleep difficulties
- Excessive use of alcohol, tobacco or drugs.
It is important to develop strategies to cope with situations that might cause vicarious trauma reactions. What helps you to take your mind off your work or your thoughts? How can you rest your body as well as your mind? Does an activity inspire you or put you in a better mood? If you find it useful, you can also use the grounding techniques that you teach survivors. Helpers who have been personally exposed to GBV have additional reasons to be stressed. At the same time, their experience can give them a special understanding of the hardships and vulnerability of survivors, and this should be recognised and valued.
Like survivors, helpers need support groups. If possible, meet regularly with other helpers to discuss your experiences and feelings, or do things together. If there are too few helpers in your area to create a support group, find friends and other people you trust with whom you can share your feelings without breaking the confidentiality of the survivors you are helping.